Tales of the Unexpected was a long - running DC scifi / repugnance series that specialized in story about stuff nobody anticipated would happen . Its masking were also unexpectedly unexpected , and we can acquire a lot about anticipation just by looking at them . Unexpected .
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Unexpected Lesson 1 : Gorillas are adept at the art of identity theft . That ’s why they ’re call “ nature ’s chameleons . ”
Unexpected Lesson 2 : If red suddenly turned to green , fire-eater will forget how to put out flak . See , fireman hate the color bolshy just as bulls detest matadors ’ red ness . If a fire is n’t red , it ’s not a ardour as far as a fireman is touch on . But wait — why do firefighters paint their hand truck red ? All firefighters are self - loathing .
Unexpected Lesson 3 : If elephantine raindrop are falling from above , you must “ wait out below . ” By staring at your ft , the raindrops will leave you alone . Your cool , nothing - to - drop off behaviour will cow them . No one desire to kidnap a scofflaw .
Unexpected Lesson 4 : Most crimes in America are consecrate by half - dinosaur , half - Daddy Warbucks chimeras . Should you turn over into one , expect to be the victim of unwarranted police profiling . The ACLU is there for you , and the discriminators will be sent to Hate Island .
Unexpected Lesson 5 : A republic is only as good as its electorate . That ’s what you get for staying at place , Mr. “ I Do n’t Want Jury Duty . ”
Unexpected Lesson 6 : Should your child develop a demise touch , selfless citizens will spontaneously separate into a “ Race For the Cure ” 5 K in his honour .
Unexpected Lesson 7 : In the fifties , morticians left gay cadaver in public parks during the vacation . Those astonish nature buff lucky enough to attain an “ Old Man Winter ” would be repay with a pouch full of marchpane .
Unexpected Lesson 8 : kid ’s literacy should be encouraged , but only if they have pleasant thing to say .
Unexpected Lesson 9 : Volcanoes are very unexpected .
Unexpected Lesson 10 : Whatever chance to The Village People ? They starved to dying on a abandoned atoll along with their dear group Weimaraner , Monsieur Sixpence .
Unexpected Lesson 11 : The original cut of Heavyweights was diseased as shit .
Unexpected Lesson 12 : The Easter Bunny is in reality base on the Teutonic caption of Das Schwarzkaninchen , a primeval god - lapin who lay eggs filled with bees .
Unexpected Lesson 13 : Vertigo Comics ’ resurrection of Vampire of the Apes will be the next Preacher . And if they do n’t compose it , I will .
Unexpected Lesson 14 : Always read the conflict card before you signal up for a boxing match . showman can be unscrupulous .
Unexpected Lesson 15 : Abraham Lincoln rise up in a pressurized cabin .
Unexpected Lesson 16 : The Ozzie and Harriet and Donny and Marie crossing over was a tremendous piece of outsider graphics .
Unexpected Lesson 17 : of the essence moments that determine the chronicle of the human backwash are the time for external monologue .
Unexpected Lesson 18 : If you want your comic to sell like gangbusters , just observe a little rock and roster . Kids love it !
Unexpected Lesson 19 : If the Master of 100 Wigs is public arena , I call preemptive dibs . You hear it here first , piranha !
Unexpected Lesson 20 : Everyone has a weakness . However , some people have stupid weaknesses .
Unexpected Lesson 21 : Immortality is deserving everyone thinking you ’re a deviant .
Unexpected Lesson 22 : The Tales of the Unexpected newspaper column stave ’s spouses chisel on them with the color green .
Unexpected Lesson 23 : Do not have sex with your doppelganger if he ’s the size of your house . YOU WILL REGRET IT .
Unexpected Lesson 24 : Racial stereotypes can live on the vacuum cleaner of space .
Unexpected Lesson 25 : Skywriting is the most efficacious medium to order a nuclear strike .
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