Photo: TODAY
Former Ohio State offensive lineman Harry Miller is opening up about publicly revealing hismental health battleand decision toretire from footballearlier this month.
On Monday, Miller got emotional while speaking withToday’s cohosts about his journey, admitting that he has difficulty considering himself brave for sharing his personal struggle.
“I had no intention of this happening the way it did, and people call me brave,” he said. “But to me, this felt like not dying, and I felt like being honest. And maybe bravery is just being honest when it would easier not to, and if that’s bravery, then so be it.”
He added, “But I’ve just been really grateful to, one, receive the help I have, and then, two, to learn some things that I can share with others.”
Miller admitted that he has struggled with his mental health since an early age, explaining, “I guess I’ve always been anxious and depressed.”
The former collegiate athlete said that the pressures of playing college football for Ohio State only exacerbated his anxiety and stress. “You play a game, it’s a hard game, perhaps you made a lot of mistakes, and people send you a message saying, ‘Transfer, you suck,’ " he said.
Miller also directly addressed other people who may be dealing with their ownmental health battles.
“I would just say hope is just pretending to believe in something until one day you don’t have to pretend anymore,” Miller said, as he teared up. “And right now we have all the logic, all the rationale in the world to give up on it. And I just ask, pretend for a little bit, and then one day you won’t have to pretend anymore and you’ll be happy.”
He continued, “I’m so grateful and I would just ask to keep pretending and then one day you won’t have to, and you’ll be so glad that you did. And that’s the only advice I think I can muster.”
Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
On March 10, Miller announced he would be “medically retiring” from football in a post onTwitter.
He said that he approached Buckeyes head coach Ryan Day last year to tell him he had been havingsuicidal thoughts. Day put him in contact with the university’s counseling services, which the engineering major said was the “support I needed.”
“I would not usually share such information,” Miller wrote in his post. “However, because I have played football, I am no longer afforded the privilege of privacy.”
Weeks after opening up to his coach, Miller said he returned to the team “with scars on my wrists and throat.”
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“Maybe the scars were hard to see with my wrists taped up,” Miller shared, adding, “There was a dead man on the television set, but nobody knew it.”
Miller, who is a junior and will continue his studies at Ohio State, said he initially struggled with explaining how he was feeling because he did not want to be thought of as a “coward.”
Ultimately, Miller said Day and other university members helped him through that period of his life.
“If not for [Day] and the staff, my words would not be a reflection. They would be evidence in a post-mortem,” Miller explained.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go tosuicidepreventionlifeline.org.
source: people.com
